Adam Sandler - The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions

Performed by adam sandler and conan o’ brien :



And now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.



Dean: well michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.



Buffoon: I got a snake, man!



Dean: yes, pets are welcome here on campus. be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile.



Buffoon: one time I fed it some beer man! it was slithering this way and that! it was all fucked up!



Dean: I’m sure it was. well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus.



Buffoon: fuckin’ shit!



Dean: yes, that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. so tell me a little bit more about your background.



Buffoon: my father’s a fucking asshole, man!



Dean: hmm, I see. your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.



Buffoon: my mother’s a piece of shit too!



Dean: well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn.



Buffoon: my teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! she had her head way up her ass!



Dean: well the quality of the faculty at a university such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school.



Buffoon: your secretary’s a real fat bitch, man!



Dean: yes, she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success.



Buffoon: I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!



Dean: uh huh, well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. so have you given any thought to your choice of major?



Buffoon: I’ve got a big fucking boner right now.



Dean: I see. well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense.



Buffoon: one time I ate my neighbors shit!



Dean: that’s understandable. well, I enjoyed meeting you. we’ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.



Buffoon: I bet you got really hairy balls.



Dean: yes, it’s a veritable forest down there. bye bye.