Allan Sherman - I See Bones

The doctor was looking at the X-ray
And I asked him, "What do you see?"
And he kept on looking at the X-ray
As he said in French to me:

"I see bones.
I see gizzards and bones,
And a few kidney stones
Among the lovely bones.

I see hips
And fourteen paper clips,
Three asparagus tips
Among the lovely bones.
I see things in your peritoneum
That belong in the British Museum.

I see your spine,
And your spine looks divine.
It's exactly like mine.
Now doesn't that seem strange.
And in case you use pay telephones
There's two dollars in change,
Among your lovely bones.

Oh hello there, Nurse.
Come over here and look at this X-ray.
It's really remarkable.
Look at this.
Isn't the lumbar vertebrae supposed to be connected to the clavicle?
Well I know, but with Scotch tape?
Hey, look what's in there.
Look at that, it's a stamp.
It's a 1922 McKinley ultramarine blue with imperfect perforations.
I've gotta get that out and put in my collection.
Look in there, there's printing.
What does it say in there?
"U.S. Certified Grade A."
Look at this, fascinating.
See those little round things.
Know what those are?
Those are M & M's.
Those people are right.
They don't melt!

Among the lovely bones.